Very soon, Jesus will be swinging through town on his Technicolor chariot to pick up Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and the rest of his true believers, whisking them away to everlasting peace in heaven. But before that happens, Bachmann and Perry will tell us Godless heathens what we should do with the planet they’ll no longer inhabit.

In 2006, Crazy Eyes Bachmann said, “Lord, the day is at hand. We are in the last days, your Jehovah God, We know that the times are in your hands and we give them to you. But we also, Lord, are astute enough to recognize the blossom on the fig tree is opening. The day is at hand, Lord, when your return will come nigh,” along with a bunch of other crazy shit (you should watch the whole thing – totally worth your time).

As a result of Bachmann’s belief that we are “in the last days,” she should be forced to recuse herself in all environmental policy discussions. Of course, she did exactly the opposite while on the campaign trail in South Carolina yesterday, saying of man-made climate change, “I think all these issues have to be settled on the base of real science, not manufactured science.”

Bachmann famously seeks to permanently shut down the EPA, saying that as president, “I guarantee you the EPA will have doors locked and lights turned off.” Bachmann is not alone in this. Fellow Fundie Freakshow, Texas Governor, and GOP presidential calamity waiting to happen Rick Perry prays for an end to EPA environmental regulations...

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This morning, self-loathing microphone moistener Rush Limbaugh shoehorned himself into his radio booth, smothered his long-suffering office chair and began his day of fomenting road rage among his army of clench-jawed, Hemi-propelled neck veins by positing that the nation’s meteorologists have colluded with liberals to advance the myth of climate change.

Dances With Illegal Medications slurred the following of America’s weather reporting during the recent heat wave, “All of it lies. So that on-air dufus TV meteorologists could dutifully follow-up with ‘global warming, how about those deniers?’” Limbaugh followed it up with the nothing but net verbal punctuation, “Media myth debunked.”

In a staggering coincidence, last winter, another man by the name of Rush Limbaugh used isolated meteorological stats to spuriously conclude that the Washington D.C. snowstorm was ironclad proof that climate change is an “ongoing hoax...

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With the attention of the national media focused squarely on Donald Trump’s Birther claims, and her asshole hegemony in grave peril, "Toxic Avenger" Ann Coulter was forced to throw her own Molotov Cock Tale into the nation’s media bunker.

Appearing on Fox Business to promote her new book Demonic: How the Liberal Mob is Endangering America, Ann Coulter said of President Obama, “I think, like all liberals, he’s an atheist.” While continuing to choke down the long-gestating resentment of being raised a woman, Coulter managed to eke out that Obama’s religion is the environment and that he thinks Earth Day is just as important as Easter. While the religious bumper cars of Atheism and Paganism ricocheted off the interior of Coulter’s cranium, she spoke of Obama’s Earth Day bias, mocking environmentalism and those “dumb little plants.”

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The New American has uncovered an insidious plot to convert America’s children into Communist revolutionaries. The startling expose points out that the date of Earth Day was chosen as April 22nd to coincide with the birthday of Vladimir Lenin, the late Soviet leader and staunch environmentalist who notoriously promoted green economic policies to ensure a clean, sustainable future.

The shocking anti-capitalist indoctrination of Earth Day supporters was caught on film at the Riverwood Elementary School in Tennessee in a song with lyrics such as, “Boycott, petition, let the big business know/that if we mess it up here, there’s nowhere else we can go.”

Exposing the truism that environmentalism is by nature anti-capitalist, and could never lead to innovation or profit, Earth Day Truthers point out that proceeds from the American-made Chevrolet Volt, Motor Trend Magazine’s very first electric Car of the Year, will be sent directly to Comrade Obama for the greater good.

Similarly, the recent announcement that Google will be purchasing 100.8 megawatts of clean, renewable energy from NextEra Energy Resources’ Minco II wind farm, in addition to the 114 megawatts of wind-generated power from NextEra’s Story II wind farm in Iowa drives home the anti-capitalist bent of renewable energy, as Google is expected to funnel its profits into collective farming plots across the U.S.

This video is just the tip of the not-really-shrinking iceberg for these dangerous Leninist environmental radicals, who seek an “end to human procreation,” and who are using “our tax money to indoctrinate our children into hating their parents if they serve meat to the family.”

The Green Education Foundation hang themselves with their own words...

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Mocking First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move campaign, Laura Ingraham, the poor man’s Ann Coulter, sat down on the Curvy Couch of Conservatism at Fox & Friends to dissect Michelle’s secret plot to ruin Easter, turn America’s children into collective-farming socialists and make baby Jesus cry.

This year’s White House Easter Egg Roll will be held adjacent to Michelle’s Organic Bolshevik Victory Dacha, and will encourage children to lead healthy and active lives, following the First Lady’s Let’s Move initiative, a national campaign to combat childhood obesity.

In the wake of the Godless Democrats’ successful War on Christmas campaign, the White House is now taking aim at the second most popular Christian holiday by subverting the will of the sedentary, trans fat-loving Obese Jesus that rose from the dead on Easter Sunday. Laura Ingraham mocked the “green” eggs that will be used at the White House Easter Egg Roll and suggested that the children should roll Ham & Egg Breakfast Hot Pockets instead…

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With a soft blanket of snow trickling down from the heavens, Glenn Beck sauntered down the sidewalk and swung from a street lamp as God once again proved all those the dirty hippies wrong about climate change...

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